Weighing Jokes / Recent Jokes

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground".It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. It is illegal to shoot game out of the window of a moving vehicle, with the exception of a whale.It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky. It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease.An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club". The following important ammendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statuate shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, more...

At a pharmacy, a blonde woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

"It won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The
clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight
by weighing the blonde and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and
subtracting the second amount from the first.
"It won't work," the blonde countered. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

At a pharmacy, Judi asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing Judi and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

'It won't work,' Judi countered.' I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt.'

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.
The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are used commonly by technicians, and an explanation of what they actually mean:

STUFFED. ..
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.

FUCKED. ..
Terminally stuffed.

FUCK ME DEAD. ..
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.

FUCK IT ALL. ..
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went more...