Weekends Jokes / Recent Jokes
A salesman was testifying in his divorce proceedings against his wife.
"Please describe," said his attorney, "the incident that first caused you to entertain suspicions as to your wife's infidelity."
"Well, I'm pretty much on the road all week," the man testified. "So naturally when I am home, I'm attentive to the wife." "One Sunday morning," he continued, "we were in the midst of some pretty heavy love-making when the old lady in the apartment next door pounded on the wall and yelled,
'Can't you at least stop all that racket on the weekends?'"
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.
The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying, My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i. e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i. e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 more...
What I Want in a Man - Original List
Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer things
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at my jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
Not too ugly (bald head OK)
Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when I'm talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers more...
What I want in a man, Original List (age 22)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I want in a man, Revised list (age 32)
1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I want in a man, Revised list (age 42)
1. Not too ugly - bald head okay
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head more...
What I Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is more...
After 3 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been
promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the
Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR
Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings,
He told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and
asked him to sit down saying; My friend, you have not worked here for even
one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i. e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i. e. 1/3(one more...
Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall:
Crash Course in Logical Assumptions
Saturday, September 26, 1998, All Day
Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious. The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions. When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.
Student: "Uh... Sir.. What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
Student: "Uh... Yes, I do."
Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
Student: "Yes, I drive. "
Professor: "Then I can logically assume more...