Appropriate Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
    MALE PROCEDURE
    1. Drive up to the cash machine.
    2. Put down your car window.
    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
    6. Put window up.
    7. Drive off.
    FEMALE PROCEDURE
    1. Drive up to cash machine.
    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    5. more...

    (Age 22)
    1. Handsome
    2. Charming
    3. Financially successful
    4. A caring listener
    5. Witty
    6. In good shape
    7. Dresses with style
    8. Appreciates the finer things
    9. Full of thoughtful surprises
    10. An imaginative, romantic lover
    (Age 32)
    1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
    2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
    3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
    4. Listens more then he talks
    5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
    6. Can carry all the groceries wit hease
    7. Owns at least one tie
    8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
    9. Remembers anniversaries
    10. Likes to be romantic at least once a week
    (Age 42)
    1. Not too ugly- Bald head OK
    2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
    3. Works steady- splurges on dinner at McDonald's on occasion
    4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
    5. Usually remembers the punch line of more...

    ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box)
    Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
    Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
    Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed
    Spouse's Name: __________________________
    Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet
    Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___
    Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
    Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
    Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
    ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ more...

    Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
    History: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.
    Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
    Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
    Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except more...

    The official year 2000 Redneck Census Form:
    Last name: _______________________ First name: (Check appropriate box) (_)Billy-Bob (_)Billy-Joe (_)Billy-Ray (_)Billy-Sue (_)Billy-Mae (_)Billy-Jack
    What does everyone call you? (_)Booger (_)Bubba (_)Junior (_)Sissy (_)Other____________
    Age:____ (if unsure, guess)
    Sex:____ M ____ F ____Not sure
    Shoe size:____ Left ____ Right
    Occupation:(Check appropriate box) (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed (_)Dirty Politician (_)Preacher
    Spouse's Name:_____________
    2nd Spouse's Name:_______________
    3rd Spouse's Name:_______________
    Lover's Name:_______________
    Relationship with spouse:(Check appropriate box) (_)Sister (_)Brother (_)Aunt (_)Uncle (_)Cousin (_)Mother (_)Father (_)Son (_)Daughter (_)Pet
    Number of children living in the home:_____
    Number of the children living in the shed:_____
    Number that are yours:_____
    Mother's Name:____________________(If not sure, leave more...

  • Recent Activity