Vat Jokes

An old Jewish man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, giff me beck the party!"She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Giff me beck da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know vat? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-vere!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Vy?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Vait a minute, vat's da rush, vat's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted more...

Old man OMalley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasnt paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow OMalley of her old mans death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "Im sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?""Knowing Brian OMalley as well as I did, I dont think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the mens room."

A father, visiting America, from Europe for the very first time, goes up and down the isles with his son at the local Giant Food Store.

"Vas diss? Powdered Orange Juice?"

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh' orange juice.'". .. A few minutes later, in a different aisle. .. "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?? "

"Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!". .. A few minutes later, in a different aisle. .. "Und give a look here! Baby Powder! Vat a country, vat a country!"

Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."