Twisted Jokes

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    Psychologists havediscovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight intotheir personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eatingOreos: 1. The whole thing all at once.
    2. One bite at a time
    3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
    4. In little feverish nibbles.
    5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
    6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
    7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
    8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
    9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
    10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.Your Personality: 1. The whole thing - this means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children. 2. One bite at a time. You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat more...

    A little boy and a pedophile are walking in the deep, dim, woods. The little boy says, "Mister, I'm frightened! These woods are truly terrifying."

    The pedophile replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back all by myself."

    Ed and Ted were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Ed glanced over and noticed that Ted's penis was twisted like a corkscrew.

    "Wow," Ed said. "I've never seen one like that before."

    "Like what?" Ted said.

    "All twisted like a pig's tail," Ed said.

    "Well, what's yours like?" Ted said.

    "Straight, like normal," Ed said.

    "I thought mine was normal until I saw yours," Ted said.

    Ed finished what he was doing and started to give his old boy a shakedown prior to putting it back in his pants. "What did you do that for?" Ted said.

    "Shaking off the excess drops," Ed said. "Like normal."

    "Cripes," Ted said. "And all these years I've been wringing it."

    One day, a space ship landed in a farmer's field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.
    Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.
    The Martian then man took the farmer's wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer's wife, "Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?"
    The farmer's wife replied "It needs to be a little bigger around." So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.
    About an hour later, the more...

    Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

    1.The whole thing at once
    2.One bite at a time
    3.Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards
    4.In little feverous nibbles
    5.Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...)
    6.Twisted apart, the creme inside, then the cookie
    7.Twisted apart, the creme inside, and toss the cookie
    8.Just the cookie, not the creme inside
    9.I just like to lick them, not eat them.
    10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
    ***

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