Tonto Jokes / Recent Jokes

tonto and the lone ranger were walking around and it started to get dark so they set up their tent and went to sleep.
a few hours later tonto woke up the lone ranger and said "look up at the sky what do you see."
the lone ranger looks up and says "i see piece and tranquility what do you see.
" tonto looks at the lone ranger and says
" somebody stoled our tent!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,"Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts more...

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, “Who’s white horse it that outside? ” The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, “It’s my horse. Why do you want to know? ” The cowboy looks at him and says, “Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don’t look too good. ” The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn’t a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and more...

One hot, dusty day, the Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town and head for the first saloon they see, where they tie up their trusty steeds and go in for a cold one.
Some time later, a stranger enters the saloon and asks, "Who owns the white horse tied up outside?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger says. "Why do you ask?"
"Because it's collapsed and looks like it's dying," replies the stranger.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside to check on Silver.
"He's probably just suffering from heat exhaustion," the Lone Ranger says. "Tonto, why don't you run around Silver for awhile to help keep him cool."
The Lone Ranger goes back into the saloon. Half an hour later, another stranger walks in and asks, "Who owns the white horse out there?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger replies. "What's the problem this time?"
"Oh, no problem," replies the stranger, more...

The Lone Ranger & Tonto are camping in the desert, they have set up thier tent and are asleep.Some hours later, the lone ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up and tell me what you see"
Tonto replies"Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"asks The Lone Ranger.Tonto ponders this for a minute and replies"Astrnomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies playing host to billions of stars & planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.Timewise It appears to be 3:15am.Theologically, it is evidentthe Lord is all powerful and as small insignificant beings we pale in his presence.Meteorologically, we are in for a clear and beautiful day tomorrow with a light easterly breeze in the morning."
"What it tell you Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, looking at Tonto in amazement, then says:
"Tonto you F*CKWIT... Someone has stolen our tent."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trailall day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tontoplaced his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. "How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger. "Face sticky."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.
After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, 'Who owns the white horse tied up outside?'
The Lone Ranger said, 'Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask?'
'Because it's collapsed and looks like it's dying,' says the stranger.
So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.
'He's probably just suffering from the heat,' says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.
The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, 'Who owns the white horse outside?'
The Lone Ranger says, 'That's mine, what's the problem this time?'
'Oh, no problem,' says the stranger, 'it's just that you've left your injun running.'