Tonto Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars.""What that tell you?" asked Tonto.The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo chip. Someone has stolen tent."

    One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"
    And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto?"
    Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground..."

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the manycanyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds ofindians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that thereare hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, onceagain, see hundreds of indians rising from the hill. They begin to back awayin the direction from which they had come and they realise, they weresurrounded. The indians had spread out. They were trapped. The Lone Ranger turns to Tonto, his life long friend, and says "Tonto, my firend, I think I must say that I have treasured our times togetherbut now I think we are doomed"." We?" replied Tonto "What's all this we, Paleface?"

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town one dusty, dry, Wild West day and proceed to the first saloon, where they tie up their trusty steeds and head in for a snort.
    After a while a stranger walks into the bar and asks, 'Who owns the white horse tied up outside?'
    The Lone Ranger said, 'Why, that would be mine. Why do you ask?'
    'Because it's collapsed and looks like it's dying,' says the stranger.
    So the Lone Ranger and Tonto head out to check on Silver.
    'He's probably just suffering from the heat,' says the Lone Ranger, who asks Tonto if he could run around Silver for a while to help keep him cool.
    The Lone Ranger returns to the bar and after half an hour another stranger walks in and asks, 'Who owns the white horse outside?'
    The Lone Ranger says, 'That's mine, what's the problem this time?'
    'Oh, no problem,' says the stranger, 'it's just that you've left your injun running.'

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer.

    After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
    "Who owns the big white horse outside?"
    The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?"

    The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"

    The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

    The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better."

    Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar more...

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