Ten-inch Jokes

In the good old days of the golden oldies, most records were sold on the Decca label. Henry Busse had a hot hit titled, "Hot Lips." A lady heard the record on the radio and decided that she just had to have it. She looked up the number for the record shop and called them. Unfortunately, she misdialed and, instead of reaching the record store, she got "Hank's Auto Body." She said, "Do you have' Hot Lips' on a ten-inch Decca?" Hank, who had answered the phone himself, said, "Well, uh, ma'am, no, but I do have hot nuts under a ten-inch pecker!" A slight pause. The lady said, "Is that a record?" "I don't know, ma'am, but it's a damned good average."

A fellow walks into a bar with a ten-inch, scowling man on his shoulder. He orders a drink. The little man jumps off the shoulder, drinks a third of the drink and climbs back up. The fellow then orders a sandwich. The little man likewise devours a third of the sandwich. After this goes on for two more drinks, the bartender says, "Hey buddy, I don't usually pry into customers' private affairs, but what the heck is it with that little guy?" The customer replies, "Well, I found a bottle on the beach. When I uncorked it, out popped a genie. He gave me one wish. I asked for a 10-inch prick, and the genie shrunk my lawyer!"

Simon was a meek little man married to a strong-minded woman, although all his friends at work kept telling him to assert himself.
One night, his wife told him, "Simon, tomorrow we're going into town to buy you a new pair of trousers."
They went to the shop the following day and she picked out the trousers for him.
"Now these come in different styles," the clerk said, "Do you want a button fly or a zipper fly?"
"Zipper," Simon quickly replied.
"Very good, sir," said the clerk, "and would you like a five-inch zip or a ten-inch?"
"Ten-inch," said Simon, before his wife could intervene.
When they got outside, his wife was livid. "You!" she hollered. "You and your ten-inch zip! Gracious, you remind me of the man who lives next door to my aunt. Every morning he goes out to his garage, unlocks it, opens the eight-foot double doors, then he wheels his bike out!"