"New Trousers" joke
Simon was a meek little man married to a strong-minded woman, although all his friends at work kept telling him to assert himself.
One night, his wife told him, "Simon, tomorrow we're going into town to buy you a new pair of trousers."
They went to the shop the following day and she picked out the trousers for him.
"Now these come in different styles," the clerk said, "Do you want a button fly or a zipper fly?"
"Zipper," Simon quickly replied.
"Very good, sir," said the clerk, "and would you like a five-inch zip or a ten-inch?"
"Ten-inch," said Simon, before his wife could intervene.
When they got outside, his wife was livid. "You!" she hollered. "You and your ten-inch zip! Gracious, you remind me of the man who lives next door to my aunt. Every morning he goes out to his garage, unlocks it, opens the eight-foot double doors, then he wheels his bike out!"
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