Steals Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7. 99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7. 99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents reads "Consultation: $25. 00."
The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam
Little Jimmy has an AK 47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus's $800 per day crack habit?
Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40, 000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to have $900?
Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10, 000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per more...
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely." "Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office]. Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation.
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. A butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50. The next day the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 for legal consultation.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, bee-lines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50 [attorneys don't carry cash -- it's too plebeian -- and the butcher hadn't brought the shop's credit card imprinter to the lawyer's office].
Several periods of time later -- it could be the next day but that would be unrealistic -- the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 for legal consultation.
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"
The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 Several days later the butcher opens the mail and finds a bill from the lawyer: $20 due for a consultation