Slept Jokes / Recent Jokes

3 gay guys are driving down a country road when their car breaks down. They walk for a mile or two before they come across an old farmhouse, so they go up and ask the old farmer who lives there, if they can spend the night until they can get a tow truck out here. The old man agrees but tells them that there is only one bed and the 3 of them will have to share it.
So the 3 gay guys get into bed and go to sleep. The first guy slept on the left, the second slept in the middle, and the third slept on the right. They wake up in the morning around the same time. The first guy says, "Wow, that was the best dream ever! I dreamt Brad Pitt was giving me the best handjob ever!"
The third guy says, "Wow, me too. I dreamt Tom Cruise was giving me the best handjob ever!"
The second guy says, "Hm, thats odd. I had the weirdest dream; I dreamt I was skiing."

The following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a pastorate:
Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods.
Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man's wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man.
Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record.
Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.
David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife.
Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.
Elijah: more...

Ministerial CandidatesThe following is a confidential report on several candidates being considered for a ministry position.ADAMGood man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods.JESUSSeldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he`s single. Has a messiah complex.NOAHProne to unrealistic building projects.ABRAHAMThough the reference reported wife swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man`s wife, but did offer to share his own wife.JOSEPHA big thinker but a braggart. Believes in dream interpreting, and has a prison record. Had been accused of adultery.MOSESA modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly.JOBComplains a lot.DAVIDThe most promising leader of all until we discovered his affair with his neighbour`s wife. His kids are out of control. Worse yet, he`s a proponent of instrumental music in worship.SOLOMONGreat preacher more...

So, these three good friends arrive at a ski lodge late at night, and are told there's only a single room available. Fortunately, it has a king-size bed and they agree to share the room, quickly going to bed in order to hit the slopes early the next morning.
The next morning, while they're suiting up, the man that slept on the left side of the bed says, "You know, I had the strangest dreams! I kept dreaming that someone was jerking me off!"
"That's funny," replies the man sleeping on the right, "I had the same kind of dream!"
They both turn and stare at their friend that had slept in the middle.
"Don't look at me!" he exclaims. "I dreamed about skiing all night!"

There were 3 ants in a house. They all had to decide where they wanted to sleep. One ant decides to sleep in the cabinet, one in the cookie jar, and one in the toilet.
The next morning they all woke up and meet on the stove top to ask each other how their sleep was. The one who slept in the cabinet said his was hot. The one who slept in the cookie jar said his was sweet! The one that slept in the toilet said that " First it got dark, then it rained, a big gust of wind came, and if it wasn't for that big log... I would have drowned!!!"

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, ‘I slept with your mother!'
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, ‘I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'
The other says: ‘Go home dad, you're drunk.'

Friendship among Women:
A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them say he did sleep over and 2 claim he's still there