Sidewalk Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman is hurrying along a sidewalk when she hears a voice.. "Stop! Don't take another step!"
The woman freezes, and notices that with one more step she would have fallen into an uncovered manhole.
She moves on somewhat shaken and ready to step down the sidewalk to cross the street when she hears the voice again: "Stop! Don't do it!!"
She stops, petrified, and a second later a big truck rushes by out of control. She leans against a lamp post to compose herself when she hears the voice again, this time quite relaxed.
"I am your guardian angel," says the voice, "I assume you might have a question or two to ask me."
"Just one," answers the woman. "Where were you on my wedding day???!!! "
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are draggingtheir right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the otherknowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feetback."
Wisconsin -- A man who drank 13 cocktails then tripped on his way out of a golf course bar, sued the gold course and was awarded $41,000 because there were cracks in the sidewalk. (No word if he'll use it for a down payment on his bar tab.
There are 3 guys on an airplane 2 chinese and 1 american. The 2 chinese guys throw a rock out the window and the american asks "Why in the world did you do that?" The two chinese guys say "For luck!" So the american throws a bomb out the window and the chinese guys asks "Why in the world did you do that?" and the american says "For Luck" So they land and get off the plane. Later the 2 chinese guys see 2 little girls on sidewalk crying and they ask "Why are you girls crying?" and they said "Cause a rock fall from the sky and hit us on the head." So the american gets off and walks and sees a little boy on the sidewalk laughing so hard that his face is blue and he ask "Why are you laughing?" The little boy says "My dad farted and the house blew up!!"
Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business.
The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't go through. They don't want to be associated with your country. They tell me it's filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets."
"That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious... in fact, you're not one to talk, isn't that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?" he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk.
The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver, Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun.
After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him."
"Why the hell not?" yells the more...
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde climb to the roof to escape a burning building. The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into.
"Jump!" they yell to the brunette. "It's your only chance."
The brunette jumps and SWISH! They pull the blanket away, causing her to slam into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"Jump! You have to jump!" they yell to the redhead.
"No way!" she yells back. "You're going to pull the blanket away."
"No! Don't worry," they reply. "It's brunettes we can't stand. We're fine with redheads."
"OK," says the redhead and she jumps. SWISH! Again they pull the blanket away and she's flattened like a pancake on the sidewalk.
Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. "Jump! It's your only chance," the firemen yell.
"Not a chance!" screams the blonde. "You're just going to pull the blanket more...