Sidewalk Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was lying on the sidewalk after being struck by a bus on a busy city street, with a crowd of spectators gathered around him.
"A priest," gasped the man, "Please, someone get me a priest."
A policeman checked the crowd, but there was no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind.
"A priest, please," the injured man repeated. Suddenly, an elderly man stepped out of the crowd.
"Officer," the old man said, "I'm not a priest, nor am I even a Catholic, but I have lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church for over fifty years, and I have listened to the Catholic rites every night. Perhaps I can be of some comfort to this man."
The policeman agreed and brought the old man over to the victim. The old man knelt down on the sidewalk, leaned over the injured man, and in a solemn voice said, "B-9, I-21, N-34, G-51, O-68."

Father Delany was walking home after his sermon late one night when he came upon this intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the man, "Do you live here?"
"Yesh," the man slowly replied.
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?" the father asked.
"Yesh," the man slowly sputtered.
When they got up on the second floor he asked, "Is this your floor?"
"Yesh," again the man replied.
Then Father Delany got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it, then went back downstairs.
But lo and behold when he went back outside, there was another Tramp lying on the sidewalk. So he asked that man "Do you live here?"
"Yesh."
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yesh."
So he did and put more...

Banta was walking home late one night when he came upon this intoxicated tramp on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the man, "Do you live here?"
"Yesh," the man slowly replied.
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?" Banta asked.
"Yesh," the man slowly sputtered.
When they got up on the second floor Banta asked, "Is this your floor?"
"Yesh," again the man replied.
Banta got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it, then went back downstairs.
But lo and behold when he went back outside, there was another tramp lying on the sidewalk. So Banta asked that man, "Do you live here?"
"Yesh."
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yesh."
So Banta did and put him in the same door with the more...

Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business. The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't go through. They don't want to be associated with your country. They tell me it's filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets." "That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious... in fact, you're not one to talk, isn't that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?" he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk. The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver, Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun. After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him." "Why the hell not?" yells the Russian. "Sir, he's the Indian Prime Minister."

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the brunette, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!"
The brunette jumps and the firemen are unable to position the blanket properly. Sadly, the brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
Then, the redhead steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!"
"Oh no! You're gonna put blanket in the wrong place!"
"No! We've go it covered! We'll catch you!" yell the firemen.
The redhead jumps and, again, the firemen are unable to position the blanket properly. Sadly, the redhead also slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
Finally, the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!"
"Oh no! You're gonna put blanket in the wrong place!"
"No! more...