Shaving Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a child and his father are on a bike ride down a country lane until the man falls off, and shouts BASTARD as he wimpers in pain and the child asks "Daddy what does bastard mean". The man still wimpering in pain looks around and searches for something and he sees a police car in the distance and says to his son, "Bastard means police man son". Later on when they get home, the man is watching a football match and has just lost a bet on it and shouts "My arse" due to an offside and the child asks his dad, "What does my arse mean dad?" so the man puzzled again looks around and looks at the door and sees the doormat, and says "Doormat son, doormat" later that night, the man is shaving and cuts himself and screams "SHIT!" and the little boy asks what shit means. His father still holding his face feels the shaving cream and says "Shaving cream son, shaving cream," The little boy walks downstairs and his mum has more...

there was a man and a women having sex his mom says basterd and his dad says bitch so the kid went up to his dad and asked what dose bitch mean it means lady went up to his mom and asked what dose basterd mean it means gentalmean.so there where having sex agin and his mom says nice dick and his dad says nice tits so the kid went up to his mom and asked what dose dick mean it means coat whent up to his dad and asked what dose tits mean it means hats.his dad was shaving he cut his self he said shit so the kid went up to his dad what dose shit mean it means shaving.his mom was cutting turkey for thanksgiving she cut her self she said fuck so the kid asked her what dose fuck mean it means cutting turkey.so a group of people came in and the boy said hellow basterd and bitches hang up youre dicks and tits my dad is in the bathroom shiting and my mom is in the kitchen fucken the turkey

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the more...

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff, sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do.
"Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.
"What's the matter now?"
the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try more...

One morning, while shaving, John was cursing and swearing so
loudly it attracted the attention of Vickie, who was preparing
breakfast in the kitchen.
"What's the matter?" she called out.
"My razor - it won't cut!" he answered.
"Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me
your beard is tougher than the linoleum that it cut yesterday?"

Little Johnny was having dinner with his parents when they started to fight. The dad called mom a bitch and the mom called dad an asshole. The next sunday it was time for them to go to church. Little Johnny walked into the kitchen were his mom was making the turkey they would have for dinner. Suddenly, mom screamed out FUCK because she cut off her finger. Little Johnny asked her what fuck means and mom replied "fuck is when you cut yourself while making a turkey. Then Little Johnny went into the bathroom were his dad was shaving. Suddenly his dad screamed out SHIT because he cut himself. Little Johnny asked his dad what shit means and his dad said "shit is when you cut yourself shaving". So off to church Little Johnny went. When he got to the church the preacher ased where his parents were and Little Johnny said " the bitch is at home fucking the turkey and the asshole is shitting himself".

Fill a large brown envelope about 70% with shaving foam.

Close over the flap but don't close it.

Place it part way, flap first under a friends door and call them to acquire it.

When you hear them walking towards it, jump on the back end of the envelope and shaving foam will spray everywhere.