Serve Jokes / Recent Jokes
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle. "And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands. "Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."
Three Republicans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "We dont serve Republicans here."The Republicans say, "Thats OK... We dont serve you either.
A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies.
However, I’m certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us…
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads: “These toys more...
Duck waddles into a bar, hops up on a barstool, asks the bartender (in his best Daffy Duck accent), "Got any duck food?"
"We don't serve duck food in this bar, buddy!" replies the bartender.
"Thorry," the Duck shrugs as he hops down and waddles out.
A few minutes later another duck waddles in, hops on a stool and asks, "Got any duck food?"
Angered, the bartender gets in the little duck's face and barks, "Look bub, we don't serve duck food here, understand?"
"Thhhertainly," says the duck, quickly hopping down and waddling out the door.
Sure enough, within a few more minutes, another duck enters the bar, waddles across the floor and hops up on the stool. The bartender, enraged walks over with a hammer in his hand and confronts the fowl offender. "Look buster! I don't have any duck food, so don't ask, and if you do I'm gonna' hammer your silly beak to that wall over there. Now what'll it more...
Dear ya'll:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Because of recent changes in my union contract renegotiated by North American Elves Local 209, I now serve only eastern Canada, certain areas of Wisconsin and the Michigan Upper Peninsula.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with my replacement, my third cousin by my first wife, from the South Pole, Bubba Claus. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls, but there are a few differences between us, such as: There is no danger of a Grinch's stealing presents from Bubba Claus, who has a gun rack in his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave an RC and pork skins on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He does dip a little snuff, though, so please have a spit can more...
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender ” Bartender give me a ice cold draft beer. The bartender says ” I’m sorry sir but its against company policy to serve bear beer in the bar. ” The bear becomes upset and says “let me talk with the manager”. The manager says to the bear ” may I help you? The bear says yes, ” I would like a ice cold draft beer”. The manager says ” I’m sorry sir but we can not serve bear beer in the bar. The bear is pissed and says to the manager “if you don’t serve me I will eat that young lady at the end of the bar alive”.
The manager says suit yourself. So the bear gets off his chair and proceeds to eat the lady alive, a few seconds go by and police arrive and tell the bear he is under arrest. The bear shouts “under what charge: The police tell him drugs. Drugs the bear says? The police says “that was a barbitch u ate….