September Jokes / Recent Jokes

In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing headfirst through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.

In September, a 7-year- old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near Ozark,
Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a cross that marked the spot
where another person had fallen to his death in 1990.

Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19. 36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova' Swing' on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11. 15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator more...

Since I couldn't find a good drinking game for the upcoming Presidential debates online, I decided to write one myself. There are three parts to this game. The first section applies to either candidate, and the next two are specific to John Kerry or George W. Bush. Part A - Either Candidate Have a small drink or a gulp of beer if either candidate says?.. a. Iran b. Iraq c. North Korea d. Afghanistan e. Sudan f. Libya g. Axis of Evil h. Gay Marriage i. United Nations j. Tax Cuts Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if either candidate says?? a. Saddam Hussein b. Osama Bin Ladden c. Al Qaeda d. September 11th or 9/11 or World Trade Center e. WMD / Weapons of Mass Destruction f. Homeland Security g. Nuclear Proliferation h. If either candidate doesn't answer the question given to them i. If either candidate goes over the time limit per question (flashing red light) Part B - George W. Bush Have a small drink or a gulp of beer If George W. Bush says?.. a. Uhhh?.. b. If George Bush more...

On September 7th Anna Nicole gave birth to a healthy 6 pound, 9 ounce baby girl. On September 18th Anna announced the newborns engagement to 57 year old oil tycoon Jimmy Biggs. The pair have set a spring wedding.

Saturday, September 6, 1997
Ligonier, PA. - There was an old woman who worked in a shoe. She
saw a lot of tourists and knew exactly what to do.
After 25 years of playing the "old woman who lived in a shoe" at the
nursery rhyme-themed Story Book Forest at Idlewild Park, Nellie
Gindlesperger is retiring at the end of the summer at age 85.
She has spent her days crocheting in front of the park's massive brown and
green boot, often putting down her sewing to talk to visitors.
"So many of the little ones ask me how many children I have," she said. "I
tell them that all of the children who come through Story Book Forest are
mine."
Gindlesperger, who in real life has five children and whose own mother
played the role for 12 years before her, teaches nursery rhymes to her
visitors.
"They aren't teaching the youngsters nursery rhymes today," she said. "Our
fairy tales are going to be more...

Thanks to Victor for this joke, laughed so hard I fell over...
Since I couldn? t find a good drinking game for the upcoming Presidential debates online, I decided to write one myself.

There are three parts to this game. The first section applies to either candidate, and the next two are specific to John Kerry or George W. Bush.

Part A? Either Candidate
Have a small drink or a gulp of beer if either candidate says?..
a. Iran
b. Iraq
c. North Korea
d. Afghanistan
e. Sudan
f. Libya
g. Axis of Evil
h. Gay Marriage
i. United Nations
j. Tax Cuts

Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if either candidate says??
a. Saddam Hussein
b. Osama Bin Ladden
c. Al Qaeda
d. September 11th or 9/11 or World Trade Center
e. WMD / Weapons of Mass Destruction
f. Homeland Security
g. Nuclear Proliferation
h. If either candidate doesn? t answer the question given to more...