Screwing Jokes / Recent Jokes

A beautiful lady came to marry a senior IRSE officer. She told him that even though she was earlier married to four senior taffic officers of Eastern Railway, but she is virgin.The excited civil engineer who was a Sarderji holding a very high position in Indian Railway wanted to know the details before giving his consent. The lady narrated the following stories:
Husband No 1: He was COM of the Railway and wanted detail analysis of screwing to be by deputing TI, TDI and PWI before actually screwing.Joint note never came and he never fucked.
Husband No 2: He was CPTM.He could not finalise the time table of fucking
Husband No 3: Was CSO. He could not fuck because there was no provision in GR&SR.
Husband No 4: Was a CFTM-1 . He told that there is no indent.
After narrating her plight the gentle lady told the civil engineer " Darling you are already screwing the Railway. Now please screw me also."

Alimony:
1) A contraction of the term "all-his-money".
2) A splitting headache.
3) It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got.
4) Paying for something you don't get.
5) That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow.
6) The high cost of leaving.
7) The last laugh.
8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook.
9) Buying oats for a runaway horse.
10) A woman's cash surrender value.
11) The billing minus the cooing.
Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts.
Experience: What a man gets in exchange for alimony.
Marriage: Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy.
What is the definition of a faithful husband? One who's alimony checks arrive on time.
He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.

A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. The new guy and the wife are very attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheromones floating around, is very glad to see the second man there.' This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts.'

The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon, the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper.

The new man yells down,' Hey, no screwing!' They look at each other and yell back,' We're not screwing!' A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again, more...

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say, I'm a lawyer."

So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said no, he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning.

She said, "Oh!!!! Your a lawyer?"

He said, "Why yes I am!", so they went to his place and when they were in bed, screwing, he started to laugh to himself.

When she asked what was so funny, he answered,"Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing someone!"

Alimony: 1) A contraction of the term "all-his-money". 2) A splitting headache. 3) It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got. 4) Paying for something you don't get. 5) That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow. 6) The high cost of leaving. 7) The last laugh. 8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook. 9) Buying oats for a runaway horse. 10) A woman's cash surrender value. 11) The billing minus the cooing. Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts. Experience: What a man gets in exchange for alimony. Marriage: Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy. What is the definition of a faithful husband? One who's alimony checks arrive on time. He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.

Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.

There was a loser who couldn't get a date. He went to a bar and asked this one guy how to get a date. The guy said, "It's simple. I just say I'm a lawyer." So the guy went up to a pretty woman and asked her out. After she said "No," he told her that it was probably a good thing because he had a case early in the morning. She said, "Oh, you're a lawyer?" He said, "Why yes I am!" So they went to his place and when they were in bed screwing, he started to laugh to himself. When she asked what was so funny he answered, "Well, I've only been a lawyer for 15 minutes, and I'm already screwing
someone!"