Except Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Olie and Lena are getting ready to go to a Halloween party. Lena comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a lemon tied around her waist.
    Olie days, "Lane, is that what you're going to wear?"
    Lena says, "Yes Olie, it is."
    Then Olie goes back and comes out almost naked except for a ribbon with a potato tied around his waist
    Lena asks, "Olie, is that what you're gonna wear to the party?"
    Olie says, "Yes, I figured if you could go as a sour puss, I could go as a dictator."

    A bear was chasing a rabbit around the woods, when the rabbit came across a magic frog. He said that if they stopped fighting he'd grant them 3 wishes each "Bear, you go first" the frog said. So the bear wished that all the bears in the wood except him were female. The rabbit then asked for a motorbike." poof, two wishes left." " duh, " thought the bear, "rabbit could have just asked for money and then he could have bought his own motorbike" So bear then wished that all the bears except him in the next wood were female too. The rabbit then asked for a motorcycle helmet, put it on and kickstarted the engine. The bear was shocked at how thick the rabbit was being, he could have asked for more money and bought his own
    " Rabbit, your last wish" the frog said. The rabbit said: "I wish the bear was gay", and drove off into the distance.

    It was the first day of school, and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, was entering the fourth grade.
    The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said,' Give me liberty or give me death?'"
    She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up.
    "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.
    "Now," said the teacher, "who said' Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'"
    Again, there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
    The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."
    As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."
    "Who said that?" she demanded.
    Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee more...

    Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours.

    A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated virtually all our visibility."
    The passengers were numb with fear, except for one... a semi-retired minister...
    "Now, now, keep calm, folks" he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray."
    Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray... except fellow near the back.
    "Why aren't you bowing your head to pray?" the minister asked.
    "Well, I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger.
    "Well, just do something religious!" piped up another well meaning passenger.
    So the man got up and started down the aisle passing his hat...

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