Scottsman Jokes

Lyrics to an old folk song, recently requested:

The Scottsman

Well a Scottsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled' round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
He stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street

About the thime two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scottsman, so strong a handsome built
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt"

Ring-ding didle lidle la deo
Ring dye didley eye oh
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt

They crept up on the sleeping Scottsman quiet as could be
They lifted up his kilt about an inch so they more...

What is the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottsman?
- Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get off of my cloud." and a Scottsman says,
"Hey McCloud get off of my ewe."

There was a scottish man who lived next to an englishman in Scottland.The scottsman owns chicken that lays an egg every morning that the scottsman eats for breakfeast. One day the chicken laid an egg in the englishmans backyard.After seeing this the scottsman goes nextdoor and asks the englishman for the egg. The englishman tells him "No it was laid on my property so the egg is mine." After arguing for a while the scottsman says "It is tradition to settle these matters by kicking eachother right between the legs and whoever gets up first wins!" The englishman agrees.SO the scottsman goes first and finds his biggest, heaviest, and sturdiest boots he owns, and kicks the englishman where it hurts. The englishman falls to ground and after about a minute afterwards he gets back up and says "O its my turn."then the scottish man says "No thats ok you can keep the egg,"

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scottsman each order a pint of
Guinness. For some odd reason a three flies fly into each of their
pints of Guinness.
The Englishman looks at the Guinness and says to the bartender "I
simply can not drink this, give me a new one."
The Scottsman looks at the pint of Guinness and downs the whole
thing fly and all.
The Irishman pulls the fly out the the Guinness, holds it up by
its wings and yells "SPIT IT OUT DAMN YOU!!!!!"