Sand Jokes / Recent Jokes

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "Whats in the bags?", asked the guard."Sand," said the cyclist."Get them off - well take a look," said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border. Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear. A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I wont say a word - but what is it you were smu ggling?" "Bicycles!"

One day, a young camel decided to ask his father some questions about growing up.' Daddy, why is it that we have humps on our backs?'' Well son, we have humps on our backs which contain fat to sustain us through many days when we are out in the desert.'

' Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster. He then asks,' Daddy, why is it that we have long eye lashes over our eyes?'' Well son,' says the father,' in the desert, there are many sandstorms which whip up a lot of sand which can get into our eyes. The long eye lashes protect our eyes from being blinded.'

' Oh thanks, Dad!' says the youngster.' Dad, why is it that we have great big padded feet?'' Well son, in the desert, the sand is very soft and we need big feet to be able to walk on the sand without our feet sinking into the soft sand.'

' Well thanks, Dad, but what the heck are we doing in London Zoo?'

Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service! What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die! What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog! What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3, 000, 000 has a chance of becoming human. Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do? Shoot the lawyer, twice! ! What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician? Chelsea Clinton. It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets! What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier? Lipstick! more...

It's getting close to going home time at the infants school. Teacher is chatting to the kids.
Teacher: Johnny, what did you do today?
Johnny: I played in the sand pit, miss.
Teacher: That's very good. I'll let you go a bit early, if you can spell 'pit'.
Johnny: P-I-T, miss.
Teacher: Very good, off you go. Mary, what did you do today?
Mary: I played in the sand with Johnny, miss.
Teacher: I'll let you go if you can spell 'sand'.
Mary: S-A-N-D, miss.
Teacher: Well done, off you go. What about you Leroy?
Leroy: Johnny and Mary wouldn't let me play in the sand pit, miss. I think it's blatent racial discrimination.
Teacher: Well, if you can spell 'racial discrimination...'

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

A command was given to a dog: “SPEAK! ”
The dog said in return: “Not without more...

What do you have when you've got 100 lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?

Not enough sand

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction site.
The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy,' You're in charge of sweeping.'
To the Scotsman he says,' You're in charge of shoveling.'
And to the Chinese guy,' You're in charge of supplies.'
He then says,' Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile.'
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian,' Why didn't you sweep any of it?'
The Italian replies,' I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere.'
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says,' And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman replies,' Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of more...