Sand Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why does the Law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service! What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you die ! What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog! What is black & brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming human.Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets, what should you do? Shoot the lawyer, twice !! What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a sleazy politician? Chelsea Clinton.It was so cold around here last winter, (how cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets ! What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier? Lipstick ! What more...
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine?
Only one if you run him through slowly!
First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning?
Second person: No.
First person: Good!
Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery.
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.
Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet.
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which more...
A man teed off from the seventh hole of his favorite golf course and wound up in a sand trap.
He went to retrieve his ball and found a leprechaun in the sand trap. "Well, you've found me, laddy," said the leprechaun. "I'll grant you one wish - either a year of great golf or a year of great sex."
Without hesitation the man responded, "A year of great golf."
And he enjoyed a whole year of professional grade golf. After the year ended, though, he went back to his terrible scores of before.
Again on his favorite course, he again wound up in the same sand trap and again found the same
leprechaun. The leprechaun promised to grant him one wish - with exactly the same choice as before, great golf or great sex.
Without any hesitation the man asked for "A year of great golf."
The leprechaun was astounded. "Laddie, you look like a red-blooded man. I don't understand why more...
A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border
on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his
shoulders. The guard asks, "What's in the bags?"
The fellow says, "Sand!"
The guard wants to examine them. The fellow
gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground,
opens them up, and the guard inspects... only
to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places
the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike
across the border.
Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated...
"What have you there?"
"Sand"
"We want to examine."
Same results... nothing but sand and the fellow
is on his way again.
Every two weeks for six months the inspections
continue. Finally, one week the fellow didn't
show up. However, the guard sees him downtown
and says to the fellow, "Buddy, you had us crazy.
We sort of knew you were smuggling something.
I won't say anything what were you more...
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball
Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.