Sam Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."
Teacher: "Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?" Sam: "I don't know." Teacher: "Bark, Sam, bark." Sam: "Bow, wow, wow!"
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded Vermonter standing there.
"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."
"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Enoch is leaving he stops, "Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem... After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of' em."
Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More' n' likely gonna be some fightin' more...
Teacher: "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam: "No sir, I don `t have to, my mom is a good cook".
Some men go on a hunting trip and separate into pairs. That evening one hunter, Sam, returned to camp alone toting a 12 point buck. "Where's George?" one of the men asked, noticing that Sam had returned alone. "He's about 6 miles back. He tripped and broke his ankle. I left him there' cause I figured ain't nobody' bout to steal him."
Sam & Jesus [PUN WARNING]
Many many years ago in the town of Jerusalem lived a very nice Jewish man, named Sam, with his wife and children. Times were hard, and this gentleman had to work very long hours daily as a laborer to house and feed his family. But his real love was sewing. Although he put in long hours at his job, he would often stay up half the night designing and making clothes. His dream was to some day have a shop of his own where he could outfit everyone.
One evening, as he sat sewing by lamp light, he heard a commotion outside. When he went to look, he saw all his neighbors going to an area of raised field, so he tagged along. There was an enormous crowd, and up on the hill he saw a tall bearded man preaching. Sam was intrigued by this man, a very eloquent speaker, the crowd was so quiet. But, thought Sam, this man looked dusty, dirty, poorly dressed, and tired. So after the sermon, Sam managed to go speak to this man. Sam told him he was great more...
Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "How dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I`m going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!" Mrs. Sampson is shocked by Mary`s reaction, but undaunted. She asks the class the question again, and this time Sam raises his hand. Yes, Sam?" says Mrs. Sampson. "Ma`am, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye." "Very good, Sam. Thank you." Mrs. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have 3 things to tell you: first, it`s clear that you have NOT done your homework. Second, you have a DIRTY more...