Rodney Dangerfield Jokes

With my wife I don`t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to `the best woman a man ever had.` The waiter joined me.

I`m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back!