Rich Jokes / Recent Jokes

RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON`T BEAT ME UP
2. WON`T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail... all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?" "Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I`ve got no arms, so I can`t beat you up and I`ve got no legs, so I can`t run away." The old woman asked, "What makes you think you`re so great in bed?" To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn`t I?"

There was a rich man who was approached by a poor beggar asking for food.
The rich man asked, "Do you smoke? I could give you some cigarettes."
The beggar responded, "No, I don't. I am just hungry and want food."
Then the rich man asked, "Do you drink? I have a bottle of good whiskey I could give you."
The beggar replied, "No, I don't drink. I am just hungry and need food."
Finally the rich man asked, "Do you gamble? I could give you some good tips on the races this weekend."
The beggar again replied, "No. I am just hungry and want some food."
Finally the rich man said, "Well, in that case, I had better take you to my home."
He invited the beggar into his car and drove him to his very substantial home. There, he introduced the beggar to his wife, who asked, "What are you going to do with this man? Are you going to invite him

Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number two rule follows.
Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it.
Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better.
Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive Asian women. They actually rule every
relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, more...

How can you make a soup rich? Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.

Two rich men were talking over coffee and croissants at their country club one day and one of them said to the other one, "Hey, I tell you my driver is really stupid... you don't think so? Let me show you."
And he called his driver Banta Singh over and said, "Banta, here is a 10 dollar bill, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes."
To which Banta replied, "Yes Sir! Right away!" and rushed off to the showroom. The rich man turned to his friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."
The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver, Santa Singh: "Santa, go home now and check to see if I'm at home."
Santa said, "Yes Sir!! Right away, Sir" and ran home.
"See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Banta more...

Once upon a time, a guy was sitting at a bar. He was throwing money around, giving the barman hundred dollar tips and buying drinks for everyone. He was surrounded by a crowd of adoring women. The barman liked the tips, but he was kind of curious about a little man that would jump from the rich guy's pocket. The little man would run up and down the bar, kicking over the bowls of peanuts and giving people the finger. Then the little guy would jump back into the man's jacket for a while. The barman went over and asked the guy what was up. So the rich guy says, "Well, let me tell you a little story. I was walking along a beach one day, and I come across this lamp. I rub it, and a genie popped out. I got three wishes, so my first wish was to be fabulously wealthy. Then I wished for a harem. You can see I got both." The barman asks, "So what about that little guy in your jacket?" "Oh, tha t," mumbles the rich guy. "That's the twelve-inch prick I wished more...

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, more...