Rich Jokes / Recent Jokes
No one can tell me the Internet's not educational. So far, I've learned that Spanish is not the official language of Brazil and now, thanks to 57 kind souls, I know there are only 36 numbers on a roulette wheel. I thought I'd better brush-up on gambling:
The closest mecca of chance to me is Atlantic City. People used to go there to get tanned - now they go to get faded.
A compulsive gambler I know took a 9 to 5 job in Atlantic City. He didn't like the work so much, but the odds were pretty good.
A manhole cover blew off and rose into the air. As it was still airborne, a fellow yells, "Two to one it's heads".
If you've never been to Atlantic City, you can gamble just about anywhere in the city. One young lady went to a laundromat and lost all her clothes.
But gambling is not confined to a particular city - it's all over. I used to work with a fellow who only made mental bets. He ended up losing his mind.
At Boulder Dam, near Las Vegas, they recently more...
These are from actual resumes:
"Personal: I`m married with 9 children. I don`t require prescription drugs.
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don`t let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I`m a class act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I`ve made money and lost money. I`ve been rich and I`ve been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don`t misconstrue my 14 jobs as `job-hopping`. I have never quit a job."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
RESUME BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They more...
There was once a man who was very rich and very miserly at the same time. The villagers disliked him intensely. One day he said to them, "Either you're jealous of me or you don't understand my love of money-God alone knows. But you dislike me; that much I know. When I die, I won't take anything with me. I will leave it all for others. I will make a will, and I will give everything to charity. Then everyone will be happy."
Even then people mocked and laughed at him. The rich man said to them, "What is the matter with you? Can't you wait a few years to see my money go to charity?"
The villagers didn't believe him. He said, "Do you think I'm immortal? I'll die like everyone else, and then my money will go to charities." He couldn't understand why they didn't believe him.
One day he went for a walk. All of a sudden it started raining heavily, so he took shelter under a tree. Under this tree he saw a pig and a cow. The pig and more...
Casey married a rich widow, but they didnt get along. One day she said to him, "If it wasnt for my money, that new television wouldnt be here. If it wasnt for my money, that grand piano wouldnt be here. If it wasnt for my money, this house wouldnt be here." Casey mumbled, "If it wasnt for your money, I wouldnt be here."
A rich girl and a poor boy fall in love and decide to marry.
The girl's father is strongly against such a decision, but
after a long argument, the daughter finally gets her way.
The father agrees that the two can marry, but he insists
on meeting the man before the date is set. His daughter
agrees and invites her fiance over for dinner.
_____________________________________________
Dinner goes well. Then, afterwards, the father invites
his future son-in-law into the study. The father asks him
what he does for a living, to which the boy replies, "I am
a religious man; I study the Testaments."
_____________________________________________
The father then asks, "How are you going to support my
daughter's high living standard."
The boy replies, "I will study, and God will provide."
The father, now losing his patience asks, "How will you
afford a nice place to more...
These are from actual resumes:
"Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs.
"I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as' job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
"Number of dependents: 40."
"Marital Status: Often. Children: Various."
RESUME BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"They more...
There were two guys at a bar. One of them was rich and the other was poor. They both start talking and they find out their anniversary is on the same day, which is tomorrow.
Poor guy- "What did you get your wife?"
Rich Guy- "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz."
Poor guy- "Why did you give her those??"
Rich Guy- "Because if she doesn't like the ring she can run the car off a cliff and go screw herself. What did you get your wife?"
Poor guy- "A pair of slippers and a dildo"
Rich Guy- "Why did you give her those??"
Poor guy- "Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go screw herself!"