Quickie Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced' QUICHE'."
Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "It's pronounced Quiche."
You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink.
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.
Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.
Worse: You're in it.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Worse: With each other.
Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser.
Worse: He looks better than you.
Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.
Worse: As a sacrifice.
Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.
Worse: She's a lawyer.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: For another woman.
Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Worse: To enter a convent.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Worse: She implicates you.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47.
Good: The secretary said "yes."
Bad: Your wife says "no."
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: He's gay.
Good: You came home for more...
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.Worse: You're in it.Bad: Your children are sexually active.Worse: With each other.Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser.Worse: He looks better than you.Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism.Worse: As a sacrifice.Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.Worse: She's a lawyer.Bad: Your wife's leaving you.Worse: For another woman.Bad: Your wife's leaving you.Worse: To enter a convent.Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.Worse: She implicates you.Good: Hot outdoor sex.Bad: You're arrested.Worse: By your husband.Good: The postman's early.Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47.Good: The secretary said "yes."Bad: Your wife says "no."Good: The teacher likes your son.Bad: Sexually.Worse: He's gay.Good: You came home for a quickie.Bad: So did the postman.Good: You came home for a quickie.Bad: Your wife walks in.Good: You get a three-day weekend.Bad: You get more...