Provide Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.
    "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.
    "I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
    "A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
    "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."
    "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.
    "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."
    "And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?"
    "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.
    The conversation proceeds like more...

    The Lord decided it was time to make a companion for Adam.

    He summoned St. Peter and told him of His decision.

    He told St. Peter that he wanted to make a being who was similar to man, yet was different, and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure.

    The Lord said He would call this being woman. So St. Peter went about creating this being, which was similar to man yet was different in ways that would be appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man. When St. Peter had finished creating this being who could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.

    'Ah, St. Peter, once again you have done an excellent job', said The Lord

    'Thank You, O Great One, I live but to serve.' replied St. Peter.' I am now ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses to this..... .. woman. I require your assistance on this matter Lord.'

    'You shall make her brain, slightly smaller, yet more intuitive, more feeling, more more...

    As was the custom in the small town, the new student at the Yeshiva was invited to the richest merchant's home for Friday night dinner. The new student was tall and handsome, the merchant had a pretty daughter, so as the Friday nights passed by, the glances between the young people got bolderand more passionate. When their love could no longer be ignored, the pappa invited the young student to his study for an after dinner liquor and conversation.
    The pappa asked "What are your intentions towards my daugter?"
    The student replied, "Sir, I love your daughter and wish to marry her!"
    The pappa asked " How do you intend to keep her in the style to which she is accustomed?"
    The student replied "Sir, I will study very hard and the good Lord will provide"
    The pappa then asked again, " But what will you do when the children arrive?"
    The student replied " Sir, I will study even harder and the good Lord will surely more...

    User: I want some answers.
    Administrator: You want answers?
    User: I think I'm entitled to them.
    Administrator: You want answers?
    User: I want the truth!
    Administrator: You can't handle the truth!
    We live in a world that has Computers, and those Computers have to be
    connected by people with a clue.
    Who's gonna do it? You?
    You users make me sick. I have a greater responsibility than you can
    possibly fathom.
    You weep for your email and you curse the local administrator.
    You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that
    this network, while screwed up, and confusing to you, probably saved time.
    And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves time.
    You don't want the truth, because deep down, in places you don't talk about
    at parties, you want us in this office.
    You need us in this office.
    We use words like DNS, LDAP, and SCRIPTS...we use these words as the
    backbone to a more...

    Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious),"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?"I study the Torah," he replies."But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?""No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide.""But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. Schwartz."No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol is like. "Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him and he already thinks I'm God."

  • Recent Activity