Plays On Words Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny was always late for school. Day after day he would come to class late. Lastly his teacher told him if he was late one more day he would be suspended.

So, the next morning he showed up to class late and the teacher asked him why he was late.

He replied, "I was riding my bike down the hill next to the school, and my brakes gave out. At the bottom of the hill there was a goat, and my handle bar went right up his ass."

"RECTUM!" corrected the teacher. With that little Johnny repiled, "Wrecked him? Hell, it killed him!"

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental.

He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last.

He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He conclusively had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong: Ladies Have Fits Upstairs.
Tailor shop, Rhodes: Order Your Summers Suit. Because Is Big Rush, We Will Execute Customers In Strict Rotation.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: We Take Your Bags And Send Them In All Directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If This Is Your First Visit To The USSR, You Are Welcome To It.
Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies Are Requested Not To Have Children In The Bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please Do Not Feed The Animals. If You Have Any Suitable Food, Give It To The Guard On.
Where's the English Channel? I don't know - our television doesn't pick it up.

What is the difference between humor and odor?
Humor is a move of wit.
What is the difference between a rich man and a poor man?
A rich man has a shelter over his bed.
What is the difference between a snake and a goose?
A snake is an asp in the grass.
What is the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?
A rooster says cock-a-doodle do.
What is the difference between a girls track team and a band of Austrailian Aboriginies?
The Austrailian Aboriginies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What is the difference between a prostitute with diharreha and an epileptic Nebraska cornhusker?
The epileptic Nebraska cornhusker has fits before he shucks.
What is the longest thing on earth?
A womans leg. It goes from earth to heaven.

There once was a man and his family that lived in a little old village. One day he was driving along and was hit by a semi-truck. All of his family was killed and he was severely injured. Because of his injuries and the time it took, he was fired from his job.

Seeing the bad shape he was in, a group of monks decided to take him in. They gave him the job of ringing the bell.

One Sunday, while the man was ringing the bell, the rope snapped. He was so nervous about his job that he ran up the three flights of stairs.

Upon reaching the top, he began to hit the bell with his fists, but it didn't work. So he began to ring the bell with his head. It made a noisy grand ringing sound. Unfortunately, the man became dizzy and fell down the bell tower to his death.

Later that day the police arrived. All of the monks were out to help respond any question they could. "Does anyone know this man's name?" asked on of the police more...

There are loads of definitions for things and if you noices they are all way out 1 here are the REAL definitons for the following words!
Adolecense: the period in one's life between puberty and adultery.

Adults: people who have stopped growing up and started growing out.

Catacomb: a comb for a cat.

Dogma: the mother of puppies.

Myth: an unmarried female with a lisp.

Octopus: an eight-sided cat.

Stastican: a person who if you stick your feet in an oven and your head in a refrigorator will tell you that, on average you are very comfortable.

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get weary.
Man who run behind car get fatigued.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife luxurious piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on more...