Planning Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safe deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
    The Head Gangster says "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat
    the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second Safe deposit box and
    there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
    Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safe deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said "Well, at least we got a free meal out of it."
    The next day, while listening to the news they more...

    CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."
    Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up Top Five entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.
    Dr. Kervorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."
    Windows 95 shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
    Company softball team downsized to chess team.
    Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.
    Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."
    Company president now driving a Hyundai.
    Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.
    Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.
    Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.
    Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
    Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.
    Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.
    Company dental more...

    A major network is planning the show "Survivor 2" this winter. In response, Texas is planning "Survivor, Texas Style." The contestants will start in Dallas, travel through Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston, and down to Brownsville. They will proceed up to Del Rio, on to El Paso, then to Midland/Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there, they proceed to Abilene, and on to Ft. Worth and back to Dallas.
    Each will be driving a pink Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm gay, I voted for Al Gore, and I'm here to confiscate your guns."
    The first one to make it back to Dallas wins.

    If God was process oriented, the Book of Genesis might read something like this:
    In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, so God created a small committee. He carefully balanced the committee vis-a-vis race, gender, ethnic origin, and economic status in order to interface pluralism with the holistic concept of self-determination according to adjudicatory guidelines.
    Even God was impressed, and so ended the first day.
    And God said, "Let the committee draw up a mission statement." And behold, the committee decided to prioritize and strategize and God called that process empowerment. And God thought it sounded pretty good.
    And evening and morning were the second day.
    And God said, "Let the committee determine goals and objectives and engage in long-term planning." Unfortunately, a debate about the semantic differences between goals and objectives pre-empted almost all of the third day. Although more...

    President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

    A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

    The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

    So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

    Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

    And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

    Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."

    The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"

    Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

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