Parlor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor, crawled painfully onto a stool, and ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "it's just arthritis."

For months, Mrs. Pitzel had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlor of Madame Freda. "Milty, she's a real gypsy, and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them! Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace.
Milty, for twenty dollars you can talk to your zayde (grandfather) who you misses so much!"
Milton Pitzel could not resist her appeal. At the very next seance at Madam Freda's Seance Parlor, Milty sat under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side.
All were humming, "Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom."
Madame Freda, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. "My medium...Vashtri," she called. "Come in. Who is that with you? Who? Mr. Pitzel? Milton Pitzel's Zayde?"
Milty swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grampa? Zayde?"
"Ah, Milteleh?" a thin voice more...

For months, Mrs. Pitzel had been nagging her husband to go with her to the seance parlor of Madame Freda. "Milty, she's a real gypsy, and she brings the voices of the dead from the other world. We all talk to them! Last week, I talked with my mother, may she rest in peace.Milty, for twenty dollars you can talk to your zayde (grandfather) who you misses so much!"Milton Pitzel could not resist her appeal. At the very next seance at Madam Freda's Seance Parlor, Milty sat under the colored light at the green table, holding hands with the person on each side.All were humming, "Oooom, oooom, tonka tooom."Madame Freda, her eyes lost in trance, was making passes over a crystal ball. "My medium...Vashtri," she called. "Come in. Who is that with you? Who? Mr. Pitzel? Milton Pitzel's Zayde?"Milty swallowed the lump in his throat and called, "Grampa? Zayde?""Ah, Milteleh?" a thin voice quavered."Yes! Yes!" cried Milty. more...

A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a medium
pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have it cut into:
six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde. I don't think I
could ever eat twelve.

An old man hobbled into an ice cream parlor. With some difficulty, he sat on a stool and ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, "Crushed nuts?"
He replied, "No, arthritis."

A man walks into a Tattoo parlor and asks the owner to give him a Tattoo of a Thousand Dollar bill on his pecker. The shop owner who had heard almost every kind requests was still curious and asks the man why he wants it tattooed on his penis.
"Well!" says the man"There are three reasons for it..."
" I like to PLAY with my money!"
"I want to see my money GROW!"
"And when my wife decides to BLOW $1000 she doesn't have to leave the house!"

A man was in an ice cream parlor waiting to buy some ice cream. There was one lady in front of him. She ordered a chocolate cone.
The soda-jerk told her he's sorry but they have run out of chocolate. She said, " OK, then I'll have some chocolate."
He told her, " Lady, I'm out of chocolate."
Once again she said, " OK, I'll just have some chocolate."
Exasperated, he said, " Lady, spell VAN as in vanilla."
She spelled van.
He said, " Good, now spell STRAW as in strawberry."
She spelled straw.
He said, " Good, now spell FUCK as in chocolate."
The lady said, " There is no fuck in chocolate."
He replied, "That's what I'm trying to tell you."