Parenting Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to his kids.
After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t. ”
“Don’t what? ”, Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit. ”
“Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it? ”
“It’s over there, ” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry.
“Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit? ” the First Parent asked.
“Uh huh, ” Adam replied.
“Then why did you? ”
“I dunno, ” Adam answered.
God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story.
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them more...

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit, the wife being pregnant with their first child.
After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink.
The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband got out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was.
In very tiny letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me. ”

A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY... Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

[Five minutes later]

"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"