Pan Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    ** Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

    ** Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

    ** To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

    ** Run your hands under cold water before pressing Rice Krispies treats in the pan and the marshmallow won't stick to your fingers.

    ** To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.

    ** To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove-top.

    ** Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato-based sauces and there won't be any stains.

    ** When a cake recipe calls for flouring more...

    Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

    A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed the ham in a pan for baking.
    Her friend asked her, "Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?
    And she replied, "I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."
    Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."
    A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"
    Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."

    This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in
    recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we
    shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining.
    The list of ingredients is as follows:
    1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a
    tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire.
    6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable
    weight.
    8 lbs. celery, finely chopped.
    8 lbs. onions, finely chopped.
    8 lbs. carrots, finely diced.
    1 gallon vodka (to numb the elves before you peel them and dice
    them).
    32 lbs. dry bread crumbs.
    3 gallons chicken stock.
    salt, pepper, to taste.
    Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire.
    3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer.

    Preparation:
    Saute the onions, carrots, and celery in a large pan, using some
    olive oil, until tender.
    Brown the diced elves in the more...

    How to Change Your Oil
    Women:
    1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.
    2. Drink a cup of coffee.
    3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Men:
    1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.
    2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
    3. Open a beer and drink it.
    4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7. Place drain pan under engine.
    8. Look for 13mm box end wrench.
    9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10. Unscrew drain plug.
    11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on hand in the process.
    12. Clean up.
    13. Have another beer while oil is more...

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