Ocean Jokes / Recent Jokes

What did the Atlantic ocean say to the Indian ocean?
Try and be more Pacific!

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from more...

#
Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
#
Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
#
The song, "Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
#
For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its place.
#
Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
#
Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450°F
#
The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold seashells
#
The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
#
Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
#
The banana cannot reproduce more...

Following a moment of inattention by the Captain, a ship sank in the middle of the ocean. Two guys managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before the ship slipped gently below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for six days they ran out of food and water.

On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (Oil Lamp, Brass, One. Genies for the use of). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie.

"OK, so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this three wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one".

The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we can more...

Once there was a red head, brunet, and a blonde. They decided to swim the Atlantic Ocean using the breaststroke. They started their voyage.
2 days later the brunet and redhead show up.
Then a whole 3 weeks later the blonde shows up. They asked her why she took so long.
She said "I think they cheated. I think they used their arms."

Dear Jokers who provide Yo mama jokes,
Please do not post yo mama jokes previously posted in this Joke Page.
It's a waste of your time, our time and bandwith.
Please read the following collection of YO MAMA SO FAT' jokes. Future
jokers, read this and if you can find something new about the fat mama
then submit your joke. (OLD MAMA, TALL MAMA, POOR MAMA etc.
will follow)
YO MAMA IS SO FAT
Yo mama so fat. . . she's fat!
Yo mama so fat God can't lift her spirits!
Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
Yo mama so fat God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
Yo mama so fat I got rich by making her sit on coal.
Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!
Yo mama so fat I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
Yo mama so fat I saw her on top of the Empire State building snatching at airplanes.
Yo mama so fat I'm more...

You see the world with one eye and stock images with the other.
When asked what the primary colors are, answer "RGB"
You get the urge to 'fix' poor quality images.
You start teaching your significant other to use this "evil" program and in the space of one afternoon convince them it's at least only quasi-evil in the face of PSP.
You ramble about a breakthrough in the piece you're doing to people who have no idea in hell what you're talking about
You ponder the meaning of existence without layers.
You never leave the house without a digicam and notepad.
You drop something and your brain tells you automatically "Ctrl-Z! Ctrl-Z!". When you realize it won't work, your brain tells you "Ctrl-Alt-Z! Ctrl-Alt-Z!"
You're getting dressed for something important and you look in the mirror and realize you would look so much better if you could just tweak the levels a little and apply a slight gaussian blur.
You stop on more...