Swim Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Passengers on a Philippine Airlines flight heard this announcement from the captain, Capt. Juan Amorpropio: "Mga kababayan, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean" The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement: "Mga kababayan, we at Philippine Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane" As commented by one of the passengers: "Galing, that's what i like about PAL, always has some contingency measures of some sort!, I hope they help me out coz' i definitely don't know how to swim." After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in more...

    An American General, a Russian General and a British General are standing on
    the deck of a ship watching war exercises. (OK, OK, so this is an old one..)
    The topic of discussion turns to human courage, and the Russian General boasts,
    "Russians are the most courageous people on Earth!"
    Upon which the American (naturally) challenges him: "Oh YEAH?"
    The Russian says, "Sure! Here, Yuri! Jump off the deck (into the freezing
    Atlantic) and swim around the ship!"
    Yuri marches off without a word, and does as he is told. The Russian turns
    around and says: "See, there's an example of courage!"
    The American has to top this, so he calls up one of his underlings and gives
    him the order:
    "Jack, Jump off the main mast into the ocean, and swim around the ship
    seven times!"
    Poor Jack goes off without a murmur, and he too does as he is told. The
    American General says: "Now top that for more...

    Willie the Whale and his whale girlfriend, Monica, are swimming happily through the ocean when they come upon a boat. On seeing the boat, Willie says, "Hey, I've got a great idea! Let's swim up under that boat and blow out really hard through our blowholes!"
    Monica says, "Oh, I don't know..."
    "Come on, it'll be fun, come on, just this once!", says Willie.
    Monica agrees and they swim up under the boat and blow out, capsizing the boat and sending hapless sailors into the briny blue.
    As they are swimming away, Willie says, "Wow, that was fun, wasn't it? Hey! I've got another idea! Let's swim back there and eat all the sailors!"
    To which Monica, exasperated, replies, "Look, I agreed to the blow job, but I'm not swallowing any seamen."

    There were three princes and they were all after this one princess. So the kings says "the
    one who will marry my daughter is the one that fulfils these three tasks". The three tasks were
    1)to swim a mile
    2) to jump over a puddle that was 10 feet long and
    3) to fuck a cow.
    So the first prince, he tries to swim a mile, but as soon as he gets into the water (because he can't swim for shit). The second
    prince, well he swims a mile and jumps over the 10 feet long puddle, but can't fuck the cow
    (because he has no clue of what fucking actually is). Now, the third prince, he swims a mile,
    jumps over the puddle, and he fucks the cow (and he fucked the cow real good). So, the kings say
    "o. k., now you can marry my daughter". The third prince says, "forget your daughter, i want the

    A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. Alarge wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one withthe brown nose."

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