Ocean Jokes / Recent Jokes
YOU MOMMAS SO FAT SHE JUMPED IN THE OCEAN, THE OCEAN JUMPED OUT AND SAID WAIT YOUR TERN
Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he's worried about getting real seasick.
The doctor tells him, "Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock."
Steve says, "Will that keep me from getting sick?"
The doctor says, "No, but it'll look real pretty in the water."
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Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
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Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
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The song, "Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
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For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its place.
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Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
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Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450°F
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The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold seashells
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The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
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Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
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The banana cannot reproduce more...
Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the Ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.
After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object, floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, " OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now an quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one."
The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, " Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!"
" Fine," said the genie, more...
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean".
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Indian Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the Plane."
After this announcement all the passengers re-arranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement:
"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... more...
there was this airplane flying over the ocean and the pilot gets on the radio and says ladys and gentalmen we are about to make a crash landing into the ocean you might want to put your seatbelts on this won guy said the hell with that and started ripping his cloths off the stewartest said what the hell are you doing and he said i always herd on tv that when you land and hit the water you always get real wet and your close get heavy and you sink and hit the bottom im going to float as long as i can so this other guy jumped up and started to put that guys cloths on the stewartest said what are you doing he said i always herd on tv when you land and hit that water you get real cold and die of hypothermia and im going to stay warm as long as i can...then this other guy jumps up and says yall are all crazy and he runs over there and grabs this big black girl and starts pooring it to her and the stewartest says what the hell are you doing and he said well i always herd on tv the first more...