Mute Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?" The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that "No, he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right." The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole. Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold. When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.
Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone. Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the firecracker more...
If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
Did you hear about the queer deaf mute? - Neither did he.
A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist and cannot see condoms on the shelf.
Frustrated, the deaf mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.
The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket. Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language.
"Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."
A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend ofhis, also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had beendoing. The friend replied (vocally!) "Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now." Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone to aspecialist, who, seeing no physical damage, had put him on a treatmentprogram that had restored the use of his vocal chords. Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. Theygot an appointment that very afternoon. After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that he had found no permanentdamage. The mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy, and that there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well." Yes, yes" signed the mute. "Let's have the first treatment right now!""Very well," replied the specialist." Kindly go into the next room, dropyour pants and lean over the examining table. I'll be right in." The more...