Mum Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mother and daughter loved to play around. They partied everyday and always ended up fucking everybody around. Their holes were played until they became seasoned and loose. One day, the daughter met the man of her dreams and decided to get married. Now, the man did not know about their flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin. So he decided to leave any lovemaking until their wedding night. The daughter began to worry about the condition of her hole and consulted her mother, "Mum, I'm worried, what will Peter do if he finds out about my hole?!!" Mother said, "Don't worry dear, I will teach you a way to fool your husband-to-be. Here's what you do, place an apple in your hole and it will be tight and he won't even notice it." So the daughter did what her mother taught her and everything went well and the stupid husband didn't even notice.
This went on for a few months. Now, everytime the daughter wanted to bathe, she would take out the apple and place more...

Have you ever noticed girls who sit their handbags on public toilet floors - then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot! It's not always the' restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes "what you don't know' will' hurt you"! Read on... Mum got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food. She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Mum!!! It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what's inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's on the outside?
Shauna Lake put handbags to the test - for bacteria - with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your handbag. Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your more...

Mum, is it true my baby sister came from Heaven? Yes, thats right. Well, I dont blame God for chucking her out.

There was once a villager who got engaged to a girl from the neighboring village. One day he decided to walk there and visit his fiance. So he asked his mum to go and buy some material to make him some new underwear since he had been wearing his for 3 months. His mum bought 5 meters and made two pairs for him with 2 meters leaving 3 meters spare. He put on his new underwear and his best kilt (skirt) and set off for the next village. When he was half way there, he needed to go to the toilet, and took off his underwear, and hung it on a tree so as not to dirty it. When he was done, he forgot to put his underwear back on. When he got to his fiances house, he sat opposite her so as to show off his new underwear. The girl looked shocked. When the man saw her expression, he thought she was impressed with his new underwear, and said, "Do u like it? I have another 3 meters at home."

Mum, are the Smiths very poor people? I dont think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask? Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin

During the kandy perahera day time they take a rest near the mahaweli river. One day one mother and her son were walking son saw some unnatural thing centre of the elephant's four legs. son asked mother, "mum what is that? " she asked" what".' look at that, son pointed that unantural organ."Ah! don't worry putha, that is a "SIMPLE THING". some days later the same son went the same way with his father. On that day son saw the same unnatural organ."Look at that dad" son told.'what" dad questioned."that SIMPLE THING". son said "Who told you that" Dad asked."Mum" replied son."Ah! yes that is SIMPLE THING to your mum" Dad told

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks. Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!