Monica Jokes / Recent Jokes

10 Things Not to Say to a GirlFriend's Parents The First Time You Meet Them1. My parole officer thinks Teri has a calming effect on me. 2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday? 3. Which one of you taught Monica to give such great head? 4. Can you believe it those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check! 5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times. 6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion. 7. Angie is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her. 8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it? 9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Monica's will be okay too. 10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost...

Monica Lewinsky told Bill Clinton in the Oval Office that the ceiling
needs to be painted.

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry-cleaning store and tells the cleaner's clerk, "I've got another dress for you to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica. "It's Mustard..."

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!", she exclaimed.
"No", said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Lets see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage."
"And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want."
"I would like to get rid of these love handles, though." "Yeah, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."
Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!", she exclaimed."No", said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish.""Lets see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage.""And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want.""I would like to get rid of these love handles, though." "Yeah, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles removed."Poof!, and just like that, her ears were gone!

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie."Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish I would like my love handles removed."
"Poof!"And just like that... her ears were gone.

After much arguing and deliberation, historians this week have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Administration. It will be called "Sex Between The Bushes".
The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced Clinton has proven that you CAN get sex from Aides.
Gennifer Flowers was asked if her relationship with Clinton was anything like Monica Lewinski's. She replied, "Close, but no cigar."
The FBI has coined a technical term for the stains found on Monica's dress. They call it "Presidue".
Clinton now recruits interns from only four colleges: Moorhead, Oral Roberts, Ball State, and Bringam Young.
Clinton had asked to change the Democratic seal from a donkey to a condom. It represents inflation, halts production and gives you a false sense of security while you're being screwed.
Washington has come up with a solution for the Clinton situation by adding an 11th commandment, "Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy more...