Mohammed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    During the 7-day Arab-Israeli war, the opposing armies were camped extremely close to one another on the first night of the war. One Israeli yelled out: "Hey Abdul, are you there?" On the Arab side, Abdul stood up and said "Yeah?" The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Abdul. The second night, another Israeli yelled out, "Hey Mohammed, are you there?" On the Arab side, Mohammed stood up and said "Yeah?" The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Mohammed. On the third night, the Arabs got smart. One of them yelled "Hey Moshe, are you there?" The Israelis yelled back, "No, Moshe isn't here but is that you, Achmed?" Achmed stood up and said "Yeah?" and the Israelis took out the machine guns and mowed down Achmed.

    Q: What do Mohammed and Douglas Adams have in common? A: A deep, abiding respect for the value of a towel on the head.

    Two Irishmen, Abdul and Mohammed, are driving their camel across the
    desert. At the last two oases, the camel has refused to drink, and is now
    quite dry. They fear he will die of dehydration. They reach one more
    oasis, and after Abdul and Mohammed have slacked their thirst, they start
    to work on getting the camel to drink. No amount of urging, cursing, or
    beating the camel sticks will get him to drink the water.
    Finally, in desperation, Mohammed tells Abdul: "We will force him to drink.
    I will grab his ears and push his head down into the water. Meanwhile, you
    go around the back and suck.' Abdul agrees, and they begin the plan.
    After several minutes have passed, Mohammed asks Abdul: "How are things
    coming back there?" Abdul replies: "I think you have his head too low, all
    I am getting is mud!"

    Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the mastermind of the 9/11 terror attacks, confessed at a U.S. military hearing to that crime and a far-reaching list of nearly 30 others, including planned attacks on the Empire State Building and the attempted assassination of Pope John Paul II.

    Mohammed also admitted responsibility for the killing of Nicole Simpson and her friend Ron Brown, the "disposal" of Jimmy Hoffa, the Lindbergh Baby kidnapping and The Great Train Robbery of 1903.

    It seems that historical religious leaders (between moments of dispensing wisdom) had also learned software programming.
    One day, a great contest was held to test their skills.
    After days and days of fierce competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus and Mohammed.
    The judge described the software application required for the final test, and gave the signal to start writing code.
    The two contestants feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets and applications flew on their screens at incredible speeds. Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their monitors. The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.
    Suddenly, a bolt of lightening flashed and the power went out.
    After a moment it came back on - just in time for the clock to indicate that the last competition was over.
    The judge asked the two contestants to reveal their finished software. Mohammed angrily said more...

  • Recent Activity