Miami Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It’s a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, “I’m so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class. ”
“I can do What-eva I want, I’m a blonde. ” Well I’ll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says, ” What did you say? ”
The pilot simply says, ” I told her 1st class wasn’t going to Miami, just coach was!!! ”

A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?"The old man replied, "I guess.""Is she a good Jewish woman?""I don't know for sure," the old man answered."Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi."I doubt it.""Then why are you marrying her?" the rabbi asked."She can drive at night," the old man said

Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they gofor a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, theywill get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girlwalking out of the ocean. She reaches into the topof her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly drycigarette and book of matches and lights up. Theladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keepyour cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them insideof a condom." The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for acondom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one ofthe ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."

If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. In Florida it is illegal to fish while driving across a bridge.In Florida failure to tell your neighbor his house is on fire is illegal.Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked more...

Miami, FL motorist Alvin Sims didn't notice that his truck had
smacked into a utility pole and his passenger was dead until the
police stopped his car.
Donna Richardson, 29, was hanging her head out of the window of her
boy friends 1993 Chevrolet truck early Saturday - she was vomiting -
when the truck suddenly veered. Her head slammed a pole and she died
instantly, police said Monday. Sims, 36. kept driving.
Metro-Dade police said when an officer stopped the truck several
miles later - its right mirror and antenna were damaged. Sims told
police that he was looking for a hospital because his passenger was
sick.
"Apparently, he thought he hit a puddle and did not see that he had
killed her."

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail.
But due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home more...

Two Jewish ladies who were neighbors in New York met unexpectedly in Miami one winter.
"Why Shirley" one of them said, "I had no idea you were here"
"So listen Ruthie" said Shirley "now that we met I just must tell you, I am having an affair!"
"How wonderful" said Ruthie, "who is doing the catering?"