Miami Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four men are golfing one day. The first man steps up to tee and states boastfully "My son is so rich that he bought his lover a house". The second man steps up to tee and says, "Well, MY son is so rich that he bought his lover a new car". The third man steps up and says, "My son is so wealthy that he bought his lover a whole summer home in Miami." Finally, the fourth man goes to tee and he says, "Well, my son isn't rich and self-made like yours and he's gay, and from what I hear, despite my objections, he has 3 separate lovers and from them he just got a new house, a new car, and a summer home in Miami."

A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?"
The old man replied, "I guess."
"Is she a good Jewish woman?"
"I don't know for sure," the old man answered.
"Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi.
"I doubt it."
"Then why are you marrying her?" the rabbi asked.
"She can drive at night," the old man said

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don`t worry we have three engines left".Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don`t worry we have two engines left". An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don`t worry we have one engine left". One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we`ll be up here all day"

An annotated thermometer
60 Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50 Miami residents turn on the heat
Wisconsinites plant gardens
40 You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35 Italian cars don't start
32 Water freezes
30 You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
Minnesota ice cream sales peak
British cars don't start
25 Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20 You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15 French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10 Too cold to ski
Snow removal becomes political controversy in Chicago
You more...

A beautiful woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move."
The woman replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
The attendant called for the captain who checked her ticket and also told her she had to move and again she replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Miami."
After some thought, the captain whispered into her ear and the woman got up and moved back to coach.
"Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant.
Captain replied, "I told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."
"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"
The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"

A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.
The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."
"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde." Well I'll get the pilot.
The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves. The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"
The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"