Breath Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village.

    Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement.

    After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light. His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. She's really pleased to have met this guy.

    At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed. He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his more...

    A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the
    evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at
    When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window,
    takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side,
    jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the
    The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
    finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a
    deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
    back into bed with the hooker and starts again.
    The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During
    the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.
    So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a
    deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four
    Chinese men.

    An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said to himself,' Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!' and continued to watch, remembering good times. Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said,' Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman - she is dead!' and he hurried along as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.

    He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,' Jean... Jean zere is zis man, zis woman... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love.' The police chief smiled and said;' Come, come, Henri you are not so old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah, L'amour! Zis is ok.'

    'Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!'

    Hearing this, Jean leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his bike, more...

    A handsome young man and a beautiful girl met and it was love at first sight. They immediately got married and went on their honeymoon. On their wedding night, the bride went into the bathroom to freshen up.
    Unfortunately, she had a case of bad breath so severe she had to take a powerful drug to control it. She was about to take the drug when she decided it would be best to let her husband in on her secret since they would be spending the rest of their lives together.
    So she returned to bed without taking the drug.
    Her husband then went into the bathroom to freshen up. He also had a problem with foot odor so offensive it required a special preparation to keep it under control. He was about to apply the preparation when he decided it would be better to let his wife know about his problem because she would find out about it sooner or later anyway.
    He skipped applying the preparation, returned to bed, grabbed his wife and gave her a big kiss.
    She said, "Honey, more...

    Temperatures and What They Mean 40 Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. 35 Italian cars don't start. 32 Water freezes. 30 You can see your breath. Politicians begin to worry about the Homeless. 25 Boston water freezes. Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you. 20 Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream. You can hear your breath. 15 N.Y. City water freezes. Politicians begin to talk aobut the homeless. 12 You plan a vacation to Mexico. 10 Too cold to snow 5 You need jumper cables to get the car going. Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you. 3 You plan a vacation in Houston. 0 Too cold to skate. American cars don't start. -5 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo. -10 Too cold to think. Politicians actually do something about the homeless. -15 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you. You need jumper cables to get the driver going. -20 You plan a 2-week hot bath. -25 The mighty Monongahela freezes. Japanese cars don't more...

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