Marines Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own!" The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. "So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed more...
There is a army ranger in Japan and he is wearing a T shirt saying " Marines suck! " Sure enough two marines come up behind him and ask " Hey, whats with the shirt? " The ranger says " And Marines cant read aswell " The marines say " What?! I dont think I heard you correctly " The ranger says " And they cant hear aswell " The marines buddy ( Another marine ) Asks the ranger to come outside.
So the ranger goes with them. About five miniutes later, the ranger walks back in the bar and orders a beer. The bar keep asks: " Hey, what happend out there? Where are the marines? " The ranger replies " Well, the are stupid too, they decided to bring knives to a gun fight "
Q. "Why does the Navy put Marines on board ships?" A. "Because sheep would be too obvious"
What is the main difference between the Marines and the Cub Scouts?
The Cub Scouts have adult supervision.
Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Marine said "those are deer tracks." The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks." The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.
A man was on holiday in the depths of The Northern Territory where he tried to buy some Crocodile shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man. I'll go and kill my own croc."
To which the shopkeeper replied "By all means, just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. So the man went out into the Bush and after a while saw two men with spears standing still in the water.
"They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed a crocodile moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive as the croc came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the lad the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the croc up onto the beach where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw the croc onto its back Where-upon one exclaimed more...
Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately more...