Maria Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    As a devout Catholic, Maria doesn't use condoms with her husband. So over the
    years, they have had 17 children. After the husband died, Maria remarried and
    had another 22 kids with her second husband before he too dies. Eventually,
    Maria's time also came.
    At her wake, the priest looked tenderly at Maria lying in her coffin. Then, he
    looked up into the heavens and said, "At last... they are finally together."
    A man standing next to the priest looked confused and asked, "Father, what do
    you mean? Do you mean Maria and her first husband? Or her second husband?"
    Says the priest: "I mean her legs."

    Why English Teachers Are Important: The Words are the same. Only the punctuation changes...
    Dear Thomas,
    I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy-will you let me be yours?
    Dear Thomas,
    I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours,

    Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner... who lives with a female roommate Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldnt help but notice how pretty Anthonys roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates."
    About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, Ive been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You dont suppose she took it, do you?" Well, I doubt it, but Ill e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote;
    Dear Momma,
    Im not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my house, and Im not saying that you more...

    Once there was a girl named Maria having her 13th birthday. She had three of her closest friends over. Their names were Jessica, Sarah and Amy. Amy told Maria that she heard weird sounds coming from the closet and she thought there was a ghost in it, but Maria didn't believe her. Next, Sarah told Maria the same, but Maria still didn't believe them. Then Jessica told Maria the same thing too. This time, Maria said "Chill guys! I'll even go to closet and prove that it is safe!" Maria did as she had said and her three friends followed her. Maria turned out to be wrong.
    There was a strange noise coming from the closet. She listened closely and heard a mysterious voice saying "I've gotcha where I want ya, and now I'm gonna eat ya!"
    Maria got freaked out and said "I don't believe it! I'm just gonna check one more time."
    Again she heard "I've gotcha where I want ya, and now I'm gonna eat ya!" But this time she opened the closet so that she more...

    In a Classroom the teacher asks; Maria, go to the map and find North America
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
    CLASS: Maria.

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