Managers Jokes / Recent Jokes
The assignment given to a group of managers was to measure the height of a flagpole. They gathered the ladders and tape measures and headed to the flagpole to carry out their task. They weren't having much luck though, since they kept dropping the tape measures and falling off the ladders.
Observing what they were attempting to do, an engineer approached them and offered to help. He pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it down flat, measured it from one end to the other, gave the measurements to one of the managers and walked away.
After the engineer had gone, one of the managers turned to the others and said, "Well isn't that just like an engineer. We're looking for the height of the flagpole and he gives us the length."
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.
An employee comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.
After the employee has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.' Isn't that just like an employee. We're looking for the height and he gives us the length.'
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now," said Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please do not eat any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with you, however, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads 'No.'
After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others: "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibal shouted, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one secretary and it got noticed. So hereafter more...
12 Tips From Workforce to Managers
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2.If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps.
3.Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic and this is good training.
5. If you give me more that one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. Beside, having no life will help prepare me for making partner.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell more...
Astrology tells us about people and their future by their time, date and location of birth. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of a person's birth. Demographics tell us what others like, dislike, whom they voted for, as well as what they buy and what they watch on television. The Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by an individual's job title, people can pretty much learn about an employee's hidden personality traits.
MARKETING:
You are ambitious, yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES:
Laziest of all the Corporate Signs, often referred to as a "marketer without a degree". You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid all contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big more...
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be.
The Japanese team won by a mile.
Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.
Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure.
After some time and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too more...
Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to more...