Mad Jokes / Recent Jokes

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!"
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later mission control announced, "This is mission control to the astronaut..."
At this the astronaut responded "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."

Two cows are grazing in a pasture enjoying their grass. At around noon they decide to lay under a tree, chew their cud, and talk for awhile.

The first cow says to the other, "Have you heard about that awful new Mad Cow Disease?"

The second cow, chewing her cud says, "Yea, I heard about."

The first cow says, "Well, I'm really worried! I heard that a lot of the cows in the pasture down the road have caught it!"

The second cow says, "Yea I heard."

The first cow says, "Well you don't seem to worried about it!"

The second cow says, "I'm Not worried."

Irate now, the first cow says, "how can you just lay there, and not worry about such a horrible Disease!?"

The second cow says, "Easy, because I can't catch it"

The first cow says, "And Just What Makes Think That!!!"

The second says, "Because more...

What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.

A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. Christmas trees don't get mad if you use exotic electrical devices. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls. You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
And the # ONE reason Christmas Trees are better than women
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

When you dress it up with silver and gold, it doesn't look like a cheap hooker.
A Christmas tree will never complain if you compare it to another bush.
A Christmas tree will stay up late, watch a porno with you, and won't say, "Hey, look at the size of that dick. .. I didn't know they made' em that big!"
Christmas trees actually like when you use exotic electrical devices.
A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have a plastic one in the closet.
It always smells fresh as a forest.
A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day or go to a strip club after work.
A Christmas tree doesn't get possessive if you want to let your neighbor use your balls.
You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you look up underneath it.
When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other more...

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldnt tell the bass player which one.

There were three men. One called Mad, one called troubles and one called manners. One day Troubles goes missing. So mad and Manners get into the car and go to the police station. Manners was left in the car, and Mad went upto the policer man and said "My Troubles has gone missing" Because in Genral Troubles had gone missing. the police officer replied "Are you mad"? And Mad repiled " yes " because his name is mad. then the police officer said "where are your manners" because Manners was waiting in the car mad said " i left him in the car" SO THEY NEVER FOUND TROUBLES!
jOKE BY sHABNAM AGE 10