Mad Jokes / Recent Jokes

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer "Yes" to him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Never pee on an electric fence.

Don't squat with your spurs on:

Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to:

When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

Don't sneeze in front of mum when you're eating crackers.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt markers are not good to use as more...

Why was the farmer hopping mad? Because someone had trodden on his corn!

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good more...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.
The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"
So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good meal in quite more...

This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
I bet you were mad.
Mad? , I was foaming at the mouth!

Extracted from US news papers:
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In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
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A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...

Three stages of marriage:
1st Mad for each other, 2nd made for each other, 3rd mad because of each other.