Mad Jokes / Recent Jokes
What’s the nearest thing to silver?
The Lone Ranger’s bottom!
This morning my dad gave me soap flakes instead of corn flakes for breakfast.
I bet you were mad.
Mad? I was foaming at the mouth!
What sort of animal is a slug?
A snail with a housing problem!
What does “Minimum” mean?
A very small mother!
What is an archaeologist?
Someone who’s career is in ruins!
What is hail?
Hard boiled rain!
Why are astronauts successful people?
Because they always go up in the world!
George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC
with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order.
''I'll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,'' answers the President.
''But sir, what about the mad cow?!!'' asks the waiter.
''Oh,'' answers Bush' 'she'll order for herself.''
"Can you help me? asked Alice.
"No," said Negative.
"I`m looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
"No," said Negative.
She pointed the other way.
"Yes," said Positive.
Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."
Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down.
Immediately, a large more...
Why did the string bass player get mad at the timpanist?
He turned a peg and wouldn't tell him which one.
An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags! " The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described more...
Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one.
Why were the vets and pounds mad? It was raining cats and dogs