Mace Jokes

A man has a dog called Mace, which he keeps in the house all the time, because all it does is eat grass. He also has a favorite tool, his wrench, which he uses all the time. One day He looses the wrench. He looks every where for it but can't find it. The dog gets out, eats all his grass and there in the middle of the lawn is his wrench. The man starts singing "A grazing Mace how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me".

An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually would be paid enough to get food for the next day. Mace and his master lived from one day to the next on what little these jobs would bring in. The dog was just a normal hound, with one exception: while most dogs like to chew on grass occasionally, Mace loved it. When the old man was in town, Mace would spend the day in the yard in front of the house, chewing away on the lawn.
One bright, sunny day the old man said goodbye to his dog and headed into town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in one of the homes there that would take him most of the day and would probably pay enough for food for the remainder of the week, if he managed the money carefully. He headed for town with a spring in his step and a whistle on his more...

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named "Mace" who had the bad habit of eating all the grass on the lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace locked up, and the yard became overgrown.
One day, while working on a car in his backyard as evening approached he dropped his wrench, which immediately disappeared in the tall grass. That very night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard.
Early the next morning, the mechanic went outside and discovered his lost wrench glinting in the sunlight! Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

The media have grotesquely skewed the public image of women who choose to own firearms. Unfortunately, such exposure can affect one's self-image. This test is offered in the hopes of putting these false images into a more proper perspective. Please circle your answers to each below:
1. What is the real meaning of that pink T-shirt with a revolver on it that says: "The ultimate in feminine protection?"
Obviously a plot by seditious gun fanatics from the NRA.
I'm amazed the pigs have no law banning women's T-Shirts.
A 9mm for "light days" and a. 44 Magnum for "heavy days."
2. For rape and assault prevention, a whistle is:
All you'll ever need.
Like I'd use yet another phallic symbol.
The signal to open fire.
3. The movie "Thelma & Louise" was:
An insidious plot to stamp out femininity and glorify violence.
A male ploy to encourage further suppression of women.
A training film.
4. more...