Hound Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This recently discovered folio edition of "Hamlet" follows other known
    versions closely until Act V, Scene II, where it begins to diverge at
    line 232, as will be seen:
    KING...'Now the king drinks to Hamlet.' Come, begin,
    And you the judges, bear a wary eye
    Trumpets sound. HAMLET and LAERTES take their stations
    HAMLET: Come on, sir.
    LAERTES: Come, my lord.
    DAPHNE: Wait!
    SHAGGY: Stop the fight!
    HAMLET and LAERTES put up their foils
    KING: I like this not. Say wherefore you do speak?
    FRED: Good lord, I pray thee, let thy anger wait.
    For we, in seeking clues, have found the truth
    Behind the strange events of latter days.
    VELMA: The first clue came from Elsinore's high walls,
    Where, so said Hamlet, Hamlet's ghost did walk.
    Yet though the elder Hamlet met his death,
    And perforce hath been buried in the ground,
    'Tis yet true one would not expect a more...

    How can you make a basset hound fast? Take away its food!

    One night, after closing time a barman is sitting at his bar minding his own buisiness, when a spectral hound floats in through the door. The barman, being an exceptionally cool kind of guy, asks "yeah, what do you want?". The phantom hound explains, in a haunting voice "Ive lost my tail...... and cannot rest until a kindly barman stitches it back-on". At this request the barman stands back astonished and says to the phantom dog..... "Sorry, but we dont re-tail spirits at this time of night".

    For all you dog lovers out there, here are some of the lessor known breeds that are being bred in different parts of the United States,
    Crossbeed Dogs:
    Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
    Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye Terrier = Blue Skye, a dog for visionaries
    Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
    Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso, an abstract dog
    Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
    Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
    Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
    Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
    Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
    Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
    Collie + Malamute = Commute, a dog that travels to work
    Deerhound + more...

    Why does the Hound of the Baskervilles turn round and round before he lies down for the night? Because hes the watchdog and he has to wind himself up.

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